Saturday, March 25, 2017

My Hero

If you follow @twt_filem on twitter or always have your eyes open to the now showing section of a cinema, you might have come across the movie title Adiwiraku. Fortunately for me, my bestfriend is an avid movie goer and we share an interest of watching local movies whenever we get the chance. Last Friday, we planned to go and watch Adiwiraku but unfortunately there were only a few theaters still showing the movie although it was only one week after its release. However, we still made our way to Mid Valley despite the horrible weather that day (it was raining like craaaaay! Federal highway banjir woi!) and managed to catch a screening.




Is it a bird?
Is it a plane?

Oh no, it is just you saving the world.

I did not know much about the movie before stepping in to the cinema. All I knew about the movie was a teacher in a small town school leading its choral speaking team to a district competition. To be very honest, the movie in general was average to me. The acting was a bit cringey and it was a bit slow paced but I have zero knowledge in movie-making, so lets just end that there. But what I did not know was quite a number of the cast were actual students of SMK Pinang Tunggal and a part of the original choral speaking team! Yes, the original team! This movie was based on a true story that happened only two years ago. 

Although I said earlier that this was an average movie, but in terms of a story, it really hits me on my soft spots. Mcfarland USA, Freedom Writers and Coach Carter are a few movies that I love watching because one- they are about educators going beyond the classroom or curriculum to lead their students and two- they are based on true stories. Freedom Writers is easily in my top five favorite movie list so to see a local movie very similar to the movies I look up to is very heartwarming to me. I am a very emotional person so a few scenes did make me shed a tear (akak sebelah I pun nangis gak k dont judge me hahhaa)

I never wanted to be a teacher because I know I am bad at teaching and I am not really good with kids but I really want to be an educator. I want to instill good manners, common courtesy and kindness to the people around me, especially the young ones. I want them to know that life can get bumpy and thats okay. I think being an educator is the closest thing you can get to being a superhero. Although in the movie, Cheryl Ann Fernando thought of the kids as her superheroes, but to me, she is the superhero. I am greatful enough to have teachers who are also educators leading me as I grow up, not just teachers though, family, friends, whoever that have helped me get through hardships. Come to think of it, the kids were superheroes too, as they showed such perseverance to anyone who doubted this kampong school.

Anybody wants to watch the movie, you can still watch it in Alamanda! I know it is a bit far but it is the only cinema showing it in the area. Kedahans can watch this in Jitra Mall. 

Read the article on the original victory of SMK Pinang Tunggal here.



Sunday, February 26, 2017

#WonderWomenPublika

Hello!
Beautiful balloon decorations from WhichKraft, one of WonderWomen sponsor!
Earlier this week, I was introduced to the Wonder Women bazaar that is happening from 24th to 26th of February inn Publika Shopping Gallery. The Wonder Women bazaar is Publikas Fuyoh Art Bazaar with a twist of femininity. For the first time ever, Fuyoh Art Bazaar goes total girl power with participation of 100% women vendors. This event which is a collaboration by Publika and Makers&Co showcases our amazingly creative women entrepreneurs in celebration of the upcoming International Women’s Day. Over 40 businesswomen in arts, craft and humanity sectors joined together to make this event a success. Fuyoh Art Bazaar has been in the scene since the start of Publika’s operation in 2011 and appreciates self-expression and individuality of local talents.

Owner Hooi Yin with her amazing artworks!
One of the vendors that I was really excited for was Tinypinc! Tinypinc models polymer clay into tiny little food-shaped trinkets and sells them as jewellery such as bangles, necklaces and earstuds. The tiny polymer clay charms are molded into various forms of our favorite dishes from desserts such as macarons and ice cream to local favorites like nasi lemak, angku kueh and kueh bahulu! This business that started 7 years ago has been in the international market, selling her products on Etsy, AmazonHandmade and also their website. The brains (and hands!) behind this yummy little business, Hooi Yin saw that most of the polymer products made by other international crafters were pretty similar to each other and had the idea of making local delicacies that represents Malaysia and reminded her of her childhood.

Looooook at those tiny treats!!
The WonderWomen bazaar did not limit themselves to our Wanita Malaysia but saw a few international ladypreneurs as well! Willimina Hand-Made Jewelry has a very interesting story behind it. It started out 3 years ago when Wilma and John Bunk, a couple from Holland were cleaning the beaches of Penang and used pieces of shells and aluminium to create unique jewellery with the inspiration of the beaches. Up until now, their pieces are still made from the same source and each piece is no same to another to ensure everyone gets their own one of a kind accessory.  

Left: Willimina Hand-Made Jewelry || Right: The couple behind Souk Stroll at their boho-chic booth
Owner of Souk Stroll, Asma who came from Morocco with her husband decided to start up her own business and focuses on bringing goods from the Maghrebi country. This young business offers handbags with a traditional twist and also one of the must haves for every woman’s skincare and haircare routine; argan oil! The bags are handmade by women of the mountain tribe using the materials from traditional Berber designed carpets, giving this modern day accessory a traditional Moroccan vibe. 

Sharon Chai with her DIY dreamcatcher station where you can choose your own colours!
Anybody who knows me personally, knows I love to craft so I’ll get  really excited when I see a DIY craft kit! Sharon of Dreamchaser has always been business-minded from she was younger. At the tender age of 17, she wanted to try making her own dreamcatcher after seeing that a lot of ready made dreamcatchers are priced at up to RM200. But she then realized that even the materials used to make a single dreamcatcher were quite expensive. It then gave her an idea to start importing materials and selling them herself and eventually she came out with do-it-yourself dreamcatcher craft kits so that everyone can have a go at making their own dreamcatchers at a very affordable price! 

Quick selfie with Philo before we started strolling around at the bazaar
Before I left the event, I managed to have a little chat with Philo, the director of Love Is and also one of the women who made the WonderWomen event a success on her hopes for the event. She believes that this event acts as a platform for women entrepreneurs who are still shy and afraid to bud out to get an opportunity to stand alongside other strong women in their field and build their confidence in branching out their businesses. She also hopes that this bazaar can be an annual event to commemorate all our strong ladypreneurs. Philo is also one of the women behind The Independent Pet Adoption Network where they have rescued a lot of cats and dogs from being strays on the streets. 

Photos I managed to take during the event:
Petite Fizzies from Love Is that smells oh so great!

There were also live painting sessions from our artists! In photo: Thineswari Govindasamy
Left: Mixed material artworks by Shakti D || Right: Speed paintings by Haze Long

Actual rescues from The Independent Pet Adoption Network on the notebook covers!

Left: Dreamcatchers from DStyleo Handmade || Right: Custom engrave bracelets from Sillynuts

Cute pillows with illustrations of familiar sights in KL and Penang from NOOX

With all the bloggers for the day







Sunday, January 01, 2017

Twenty-Sixteen


New Year 2016 ; Primrose Hill, London.


Another year, another chapter in life. I know everybody has complained on how 2016 has been the worst year by far ( with passings of many many beloved names, RIP Harambe ) but also personally 2016 was rough on me. It started out with a lot of hope; with the whole idea of turning 21 and whatnot. But oh boy did that light of hope dim in a split second. Of course never in my life had I imagine that I would be celebrating New Years Eve in London, a city far away from Shah Alam with my bestfriend, it was indeed  a beautiful start. But as the year progressed, I did not. Finding myself sitting under the duvet, people wondering if I was in town when I actually was but people just rarely saw the sight of me, my brain draining all the positivity away that I was only left with dark ideas. 

If I were to travel back in time to meet my teenage self, I would tell her to not look forward on turning 21. I dont know, all my life, turning 21 was one of the things I looked forward to due to the whole turning into an adult and getting my key to freedom or whatever. But oh boy my 21st birthday was literally the most depressing birthday ever, I am not even kidding. Don't want to go further on this because everybody is probably tired of everyone's story of fighting depression and blah blah blah. 

It was kind of hard to try and remember anything good from this year ( that happened personally ) but here goes a very mediocre list on my highlights of 2016 in no particular order;

  • New Year's eve in London 
    • Never did 15 year old Fathishah and Syaziyah ever pictured themselves six years from then, they'd be celebrating New Year's eve together in the suburbs of London. The struggle of 3 tiny southeast asian girls to get through the jam packed crowd trying to enter Chalk Farm station after the celebration was unforgettable. Then waited for the bus to get back to our hotel at a little past 1a.m. in zone 6 of London, might I add; in winter. Then had to send them to Heathrow the next morning sobs ;(
  • Getting a cat
  • Yoshi, a day after adoption
    • After making the decision of taking the year off, I thought getting a cat would be real good therapy for me. All my life, there was never a point where I did not have a cat around the house, at least up until I flew to GB. So somewhere in August, I adopted Yoshi and basically shes my roommate now because she sleeps, eats, shit in my room. Of course the last part is in her litter box, in my bathroom. 
  • Hair makeover
    • I started bleaching my hair late last year and started dyeing my hair since earlier this year. It was tween Fathishah's life long dream to have green or purple hair and in one year, she has had 9 colours in her hair.



  • Volunteering; SFKL & cat shelter.
    • The cat shelter thing was supposed to be a job but it only lasted a week because I still couldn't commit to anything. But it was a great experience. I started volunteering in 2015, but then it was just teaching programs; tuisyen sayang & chance. And then there was that one time we distributed food to the homeless in Birmingham. Street Feeders of Kuala Lumpur, SFKL was one of an eye opening experience for me. What I really like about SFKL is; it was more than just giving out food, we were told that the homeless of KL are fed 365 days a year but SFKL also prioritized engagement and emotional support. Most of the time, we always just feel about giving stuff to the less fortunate, when sometimes, they just need someone to talk to, get their voices heard, their stories across. 
I thought listing out good things that happened in 2016 would make me feel better about the year but nope, 2016 still sucked for me. 

I know a year is just a year, a man-made system to ease documentation, based on our earth's rotation around the sun but for 2017 I just hope I can be more satisfied with what I do. To be more expressive, putting myself out there, try new stuff, keeping up with feticia's felicity and this blog. I don't have any specific resolutinos for 2017 but I just want to be happy and true to myself. 

'til next time, 
-FF

Monday, December 19, 2016

OLA BOWLS!

Acai (uh-sigh-ee) bowl is a new food trend which originates from Brazil where its original name is acai na tigela or translated to acai in the bowl. This Brazilian dish is booming all over the world and Malaysia is not a country to miss out on this superfood! With a lot of people hopping on the healthy life train and heading towards a fit nation, this is a great meal to swap for a filling meal and getting our five a day portion of fruits and veggies! 

Last Friday, my friend and I went to KL to accompany another friend to run an errand and after settling what had to be done, we just walked along KL since the last time any of us did that was back in highschool. We ended up walking to Bukit Bintang and eventually stopped to find something to eat at Pavilion. We passed by this stall and I tasted their samples that the workers were giving out (Im a sucker for free samples). I ended trying 4 different samples and finally bought a green juice and while I was looking at the menu, I saw that they happen to serve acai bowls so I felt like I had to order one to know what the hype is all about. 

OTime Favourite (top) King of Greens (bottom)
 I ordered the King of Greens which has avocados, bananas, coconut, raisins, chia seeds, oats, almonds and ... Im not really sure of the red things in the middle. If youre a bit hesitant on having too much greens and want some sugary sweetness you can try the Otime Favourite that my friends ordered that was topped with coconut, strawberries, oreos and cornflakes. Our verdict; acai bowls are thick smoothies that you eat in a bowl with a spoon rather than sucking it up with a straw from a cup. But contrary to a typical smoothie, these bowls really fills your tummy! Neither of us could finish our bowls because we were too full. And on the plus side; we ate more fruits and veggies in a sitting probably more than we do in a whole day.

Farm Power green juice!
Romaine, spinach, celery, lime and apple. I actually like strong vegetable tastes in my veggie juices like celery or ginger and this one is really good! The taste of the celery is not too overpowering because the lime really balanced it out and there is also a slight sweetness from the apples. You can also try their fruit juices if you are not into the vegetable taste. Within the first sip of the green juice I could already feel super fresh and I just love green juices so this gets two thumbs up from me!


Ola Bowls is located at the connection on level 5 of Pavilion, KL.




Monday, December 12, 2016

Dealing with depression in Malaysia


I have been contemplating talking about this for quite some time now. I actually planned to do a video discussing the topic but I just couldn't. I am more comfortable typing. But I still want this to reach out to as many people as I want to. I actually feel it is a bit selfish on my part if I did not talk about this because I know that there are a lot of people who are going through what I went through. I feel that staying silent on depression and mental health issues just contributes to the stigma that is already strong in our society. I do not want to get too personal on how my journey went, I only want people to know that there is help available but I feel like it is easier for me to tell bits of how my journey went. And I know most people do not know when or how or where to seek for help so I really hope this post helps.

If you already think you are depressed, please go and seek help. Call a friend, call family, meet a shrink. If you are still thinking "Am I depressed? Or am I just sad?" and need more justification or want to know more about it, just hold on. And yes, there is a difference between being depressed and being sad. 

Symptoms of depression:

  1. Feeling little to no motivation.
    • You feel worthless. You feel like there is no use to get through the day. You don't feel like getting out of bed or simple daily tasks like taking a shower or eating a meal seems like a huge burden for you to do.
  2.  Having difficulty concentrating or focusing
    • You can't watch a movie without zoning out. You can't read an article without feeling jumbled. You can't study without breaking down. 
  3. Feeling fatigue or no energy
    • A simple distance you're used to walking somehow becomes like a hike to you. Catching your breath when you're not even doing a workout. Having your body ache for no reason at all. 
  4. Not finding pleasure in things you used to do enjoy doing
    • Your hobby no longer makes you happy. Your passion for something dries out. Something that you were very happy to do gives you nothing now.
  5. Change in appetite 
    • Either you binge eat in bed or you don't eat at all.
  6. Having suicidal thoughts
    • This one is the most serious. If you feel like the world will be a better place without you, it won't. It doesn't matter if you have a plan on how or when you want to do it or just having the idea of not being in this world, people care about you. You may not seem to see it, but they do. Even if you don't know where to go, there is always help. Call a family, a friend, or if you don't think they'll understand your situation, there is help where you can be anonymous like BeFrienders ( 03-79568144 or 03-79568145 // sam@befrienders.org.my  )  

If you have gone through any of the above for more than 2 weeks, you might want to consider seeking medical help. Since depression and mental health issues are rarely talked about, it makes it hard for people to know where help is available. A lot of people think that help for mental illnesses are going to be expensive and only available in private hospitals but honestly, it is no different from seeking medical help for physical illnesses, you always have three options to go to; government, semi-private or private medical centres. But you need to note that most of the insurance policies in Malaysia only cover physical illnesses so if you choose to go to semi-private or private for treatment, you will need to use your own money.

I started to get treatment in a government hospital and it is really cheap as the government has subsidized medical help. I only had to pay RM5 (if I am not mistaken) for each appointment and that includes my session with my psychiatrist and my medication. And now I am seeking treatment at a semi-private clinic and the price is still pretty reasonable. Consultation costs around RM15 and one of my medication is subsidized so its only RM10 but my other medication is not subsidized and I have to purchase it at a private pharmacy and that's a bit steep priced. 

So to anybody thinking depression is a "rich people's disease", it's not. There is always help. Also, your life doesn't need to be crap to have depression. Sometimes, your life can be really good but you still feel depressed. And I know it sucks to feel that way, you know you should be happy with how your life is but you just don't know why that you feel empty. Clinical depression is generally when your hormones are imbalanced, your serotonin levels are low, so it doesn't matter what situation you're in. If you think you need help, go see a doctor and tell them about how you're feeling. 

Saturday, December 03, 2016

HANYUT


A man is driven by the need of many things. Passion, fame, power, wealth. In this movie, set in 1830s Malaya, wealth was what drove the Dutch, English and Arabs to the land of the Malays and aboriginals. But as of most most films, love conquers everything. The love of a parent to their child, the love of young hearts and also, the love that drives jealousy. These were the few that you see in Hanyut. Truth to be told, when I first saw the trailer, I thought it was a Tarzan-ish kind of movie when I saw Diana Danielle dressing in a white dress with a lace umbrella in the rainforest. But as the trailer went on, it wasn't going that way.

The staring of the movie was quite slow paced, but it escalates nicely after the first half. There were a lot of time dragging scenes in the intro of the movie, in my honest opinion. (TMI) My tummy wasn't feeling so good today, but it had to choose when the scenes were getting interesting to signal me to go to the toilet -__-" I stopped at the door for quite some time because there were no signs that the scenes are gonna be bland again and I was afraid Ill miss a lot of the good scenes.

Another thing I loved about the movie was the usage of Bahasa Melayu used. It shows us how beautifully the language was used before it got butchered with time. The movie also showed the patriarchy of different cultures. How women are kept as "belongings" of men, how one culture treat women differently compared to other cultures. 

All in all, I think Hanyut is a good movie to watch. Its not spectacular, but good. Good enough to spend my money and watch it at the cinema. There are only about 9 cinemas thats screening the movie now that its entering its second week, go watch it so more good films can be on the big screen. rather than the rempit this or the hantu that or the cinta yada yada movies.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

FETICIA'S FELICITY #1

Confession time; I am not a big reader. I am not a reader. Or at least I don't read novels. Magazines and articles are okay but when it comes to leisure reading, I am not a big reader. Call me uncultured, or dim minded but I have had my reasons on why I do not find reading as a hobby. I had a lot of friends who could finish reading a book in a day, have read a thousand novels and would rather read the book than watching the movie but I am not one of them.




It's not that I hate reading. It's just that I tend to think of myself as a slow reader, which is also why I hate watching foreign movies/dramas, I never get to read the subtitles in time. I am not illiterate -lol how else would I be writing this- but I like to read as how I would speak or say it. I like to accentuate my vowels and read with the intonation that I would have if I were to read it aloud. 




One thing I do like to do is going to bookstores, but I don't purchase anything, I'd probably survey around to look at titles and read synopsis or reviews and then I'll help myself to the stationery section. I used to rarely buy books due to the known fact that I will probably be 20 pages in and give up reading altogether until I pick up a new book months or even a year later. To find myself, and to find happiness, I'm trying out something that is known to broaden people's horizons, no matter how foreign it is to me, I still have to try. I do have to admit, I have yet to finish one book out of the dozen that I have recently bought. I even haven't finished The Happiness Project, the book that lead me to Feticia's Felicity. 




A friend of mine who is in the same scenario told me that he rotates his books, so whenever you feel like giving up on one book, pick up another, with that you're constantly exploring different topics or different adventures. So I tried that, and it kind of works, when I get bored with one book, it doesn't put me off from reading all at once, but instead, I just pick up another topic. It's like switching between watching your favourite TV shows on  your laptop, when one show's a bit dry, you change to another and another and another. And it doesn't stop me from buying new books. Before, when I see an interesting title and want to start reading, I'll remember the book that I haven't finished yet and think to myself "I'd better finish that book first before buying another one,". Now, I know that buying more books makes me read more (Duh). 




With the above 'method', it may be a bit longer for me to finish one book as I'm constantly changing my reading material but in a few months, I'm gonna finish a number of books by a number of authors. So right now I do have about four or five books that I'm about quarter way from finishing and I have to say that my reading pace is much better than before, when I only read blogs and magazine articles. And I get why people enjoy reading, you dont have any limitations to how you visualize the stories. And also you get to know things you never knew you never knew. 


Monday, November 14, 2016

Dear Asian Makeup Lines...

What I'm about to vent on has probably been an issue for more than forever but I just feel like I had to highlight it because I'm tired of going through it. And I actually feel like I'm not supposed to go through it. I would say my skin is olive shade, so I'm obviously not fair but I'm not exactly really tanned either. But I still feel like a victim in this situation (lol ok victim is too strong of a word), so I wonder how girls who are tanner than me would feel like?

Dear Asian makeup lines, 
Please, please acknowledge the fact that us brown girls are Asian too. It's bad enough that mainstream western media only portrays white ladies in their coverage but do we need to be outcasts in our own region too? To be honest, I was always inclined to western beauty products way back when I thought you can only get beauty products from the pharmacy or from Avon catalogues and even up until I knew the existence of Sephora. But now, asian beauty products are booming in the market probably due to the popularity of Korean pop culture throughout the world. There are a lot of Korean makeup brands that you can find from the drugstore to flagship stores like The Face Shop, Innisfree etc. And one thing I really like about these brands despite me not being a big fan of the K-pop-culture is their packaging are always so cute! 

Last month, I saw that The Face Shop was having a collaboration with Disney and of course as a big Disney fan and makeup enthusiast, I felt like I had to get my hands on them. So I went to the store and I loved the cute little liptints with mickey ears, but what really caught my eye were the BB and CC cushions. Also, BB cushions have been in the Asian market for quite some time now, and I've always wanted to try. It wasn't up until last year that western brands started producing them and finally having them in darker shades. Mickey Mouse, Winnie the Pooh Bear and Mike Wazowski; I totally wanted the Mike Wizowski one, but guess how many shades do they offer? T-W-O. Dos. Dua. Two. And of course the darker of the two wasn't even close to my shade. I was even considering buying it just for the sake of the packaging. But it was priced RM100+ so nope I wasn't gonna throw my money away just like that. Up until now, I still dream of having that CC cushion. I even went to the store TWICE to try out the colour and tell myself to not buy it because it doesn't match my skin.
How can you say no to this?!
And if you still watch television, -yes, that screen in the living room- you might have seen the Chriszen roller foundation advertisement. I've seen the product a few times before in the internet but before this I thought you can only get Chriszen in kedai jamu lol. Even in the advertisement, the girl wasn't as fair as Nelydia Senrose(who was also in the ad) and you can see how the foundation was really off her natural skin tone, but I thought maybe they just wanted to highlight the product application, then the screen changes to this girl with an ashy face. Like, err can't you find somebody else to play in the ad or are you advocating girls to wear foundation which is obviously too light for them so they'll look more "pretty"?? But I won't lie, I was actually interested with the roller application of the foundation so today when I went to my local Guardian, they actually had a Chriszen section and at first I was happy to see their range in shade. They only had three shades but from the stickers of the shades, it looks like it caters to a wide range of consumers. So I picked up the darkest shade out of the three called "Soft Caramel", which on the sticker looked a bit darker than my natural shade, but when I tried it out on my hand: 
Rolled a bit of the product on my h
It was waaaaaaaay lighter than what it claimed to be. I even checked on the packaging to see if I picked up the same shade and yes, it was Soft Caramel. It doesn't even look close like caramel! I won't ever eat caramel that is that pale coloured. So I went around and just to see all the other brands in the shop and the only brand that offer a variety of shades that can cater to a lot of different people was Revlon. Even Maybelline was a bit too white. This one brand, Canmake had a quite impressive number of shades for a drugstore line but they might as well call the shades "Fair" "A bit tanned but still fair" "Rosy fair" and "Sand fair". 

Just look at their foundies!

Puteh, puteh, puteh lagi, haaa lagisatu puteh.
But there was another Asian brand (shown below) that I was quite happy with because it did carry products for darker girls and their packaging is super cute but I think that was the only one in the shop. So, please, dear asian makeup lines, start selling more shades and stop glorifying light skin. Make girls love their own skin and not having to depend on whitening creams and bleaching products to feel beautiful, because every girl is beautiful no matter if they are white, yellow or brown. 

Might try their products some time. Very interesting and cute!


Thursday, November 03, 2016

Picking myself up





I haven't been feeling like myself for the past year. I don't know how or when did I start becoming a stranger to my own life but one day I just realize that the person I currently am is an unfamiliar character. Of course most people would say it's just because I'm transitioning to adulthood but if being adult means that I need to lose my own identity, please stop time- I don't want to grow up. So I guess that this is not due to my transitioning process. I don't want to grow up into a stranger. This is basically the reason why I am not in the UK. Well, at least on the surface, it's easier for me to say that I need to settle with myself and I want to be in a familiar environment so I can find myself again. 

A couple of months ago, I picked up a book from the self-help section thinking I needed it after reading the title. The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. After reading a few pages, I realized that I need some sort  of a happiness project myself. Because it is hard to be happy without being me. A few chapters in, I start to list down or remember the things I enjoyed doing before I finished my SPM. Why SPM? Because the last time I remembered completely being myself was in highschool. 

Most people would think being away from home would be the perfect escape. That was the total opposite for me. I dreaded my college life. We could barely go out, so I rather stay in my room on days I can't go back to Shah Alam. I didn't join many club activities - there were only two clubs in the whole campus.... I studied when I got bored (that is how boring my college life was) But hey at least I got good results because of that. 

Then it was university, living out of the country, six thousand miles away from home. First year was interesting, I tried a lot of stuff, made a lot of first times, joined student societies. But after a year of being away and all those new feelings fade out, I was succumbed to sense that everything around me was overwhelming. Not a happy kind of overwhelming but an 'oh god why am i here' kind of overwhelming. 

So after listing down the things I used to love doing in highschool, I realized that I haven't done those things in years, or maybe just done them once in a while. Thus, this was where I though that I need to start my own happiness project. Picking up all the old stuff I used to enjoy and trying out new stuff too. One of the stuff I used to enjoy was documentation. It sounds super lame but I enjoyed documenting every event that I went to, every interesting thing  that happens and I always had my camera with me so there was no moment not captured. I guess that's why I've been blogging since I was 12 years old and this blog is still up and running (well, not really running, but it's still here tho), I've just enjoyed documenting life events and eventually reading it back again. 

I guess I gradually stopped when social media platforms became bigger because Twitter and Instagram was supposedly an easier place to share what's going on around you but now I realize that it's not the same as blogging. You can't post as long as you want, you can't post as many photos as you want. I usually share stuff that happened to Twitter in little threads or posts but I don't really read them again because they're along with all the other nonsense I tweet and retweet.

So I'm gonna start documenting my happiness project and continue blogging again. I even actually came up with a name for my project :- feticia's felicity. I aspire for this to be a journey of self rediscovery. I'd love to pick up all the things I enjoyed doing and even try new things. Until I get my feet back on track, this series is going to be a reminder for me to continue finding myself. So yeah, again, to the people wondering why I'm still in Malaysia, this kind of explains it in the simplest way.

Til next time, 
feticia. (Fathishah)

Monday, October 10, 2016

A lot of people say that writing helps. 

Especially when you dont talk; let the words flow on ink, let the visuals of the alphabets form a motion of self expression.

But what do you do when your days are blank and your vision is dim? 

When your brain is a hollow cavity, your mouth closed shut and your fingers stagnant?

When you imagine the muscles and the veins under your skin are not red but a mixture of transparency and pitch black?

When even getting your mind and soul to function is an unwieldy effort that even the thought of doing it tires you already?

On days like these I usually hide myself under the covers imagining I am also the dark translucence flowing in my frame. But I now know that I need to get up. 

But how?

I dont know how but I have to get up. 



___________
I dont know where Im going with this. 

So,
Bye.